Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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