so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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