Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
