Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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