I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
