I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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