You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
