I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
