If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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