So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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