My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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