hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
