Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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