Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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