3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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