Yo dont text me then not text me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
