I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will pee on everything he values.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
