Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
