I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
