you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
