How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
