Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
