oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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