Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
