I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
