your parents love me but you hate me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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