i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
