During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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