I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
