Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize