Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dignity is for republicans.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
