sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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