Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
