Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i drank out of a bidet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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