I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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