so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
