you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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