you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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