Kiss
Puke
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
