I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He better not be in your backpack
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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