Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
