I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
