I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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