you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
