well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
