Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
