Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
