I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
