What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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