you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
